This week’s Greatest Video You’ve Ever Seen just came out last week, which means it’s fresher than the dog dookie I just stepped in on the way back from the convenience store with a sackful of Suntory.
The clip, “Rella”, is from Odd Future, an ultra raunchy, super hit-or-miss hip hop clique. Like their music, some of their videos are pretty funny, awesome, and disturbing, and some ofthem suck dick. This one falls somewhere in between those two extremes, but closer to the funny and awesome side of the spectrum, in my opinion.
It also gives me a chance to space out my cache of outrageous ‘80s videos.
Odd Future has been around for a minute now or like one million blog years. Some people seem to have begun to disembark from their bandwagon, but they have a lot of new stuff coming out soon, including a full crew album this month, a Tyler, the Creator solo effort in May, and a new MellowHype collection this summer. Plus, the crew’s spirit animal, Earl Sweatshirt, has returned from his self-imposed hiatus so you never know what’s going to happen with that. For a nice article detailing that saga, check out Kalefa Sanneh in The New Yorker.
Just something to think about as The Greatest Video You’ve Ever Seen visually assaults you.
0:02 – First image? A balding, tweaking 2Pac morphs into Hodgy Beats as he tears off a fake mustache and begins rapping. Joseph Campbell would read this as a transformational event; an aging hero passes the torch to a new generation of champions. However, this is an Odd Future video and it’s about to get a little bawdy (if I were a super-hero I would be Understatement Man) so I’m not sure the analysis fits. Let’s watch for the motif of transformation throughout the video, though. Listen to me. I sound like the guy from Masterpiece Theater and it’s a flipping Odd Future vid.
0:13 - There’s something hypnotic about this obese woman’s booty-dancing. The adipose tissue in her buttocks and thighs, when shaken, has an oddly captivating quality.
That is, unless said shaking begins a house collapsing around your ears, forcing you to escape by running through a comically fake brick wall in a Boba Fett costume.
0:34 – This looks like the “Bohemian Rhapsody” rock-out scene from Wayne’s World, but with black dudes.
0:42 – Transformation, anyone? Hodgy Beats starts shooting lasers out of his cock that turn little girls playing Pattycake into pussycats.
0:55 - I don’t even want to know what’s coming out now.
1:03 – The car crash and the sign with “Goblin” spelled backward is a video technique to signify that reality has gone haywire. I think I already figured that one out, guys.
1:10 – That verse by Hodgy wasn’t too bad. The beat seems to be pretty cool, but quite repetitive. That’s OK, though.
1:15 - Wow, this dude sucks. Even his jheri curl wig can’t redeem this performance. Domo Genesis. I think his tweets are better than this.
1:19 – WHOA! He just slapped a black chick right in the face! Dat ain’t right!
1:22 – Oh, he turned her into a hot Asian chick. That’s OK, then. Whew. Fits right in with our transformation motif.
1:43 - The Domo verse continues to degenerate into a caricature of a parody of a bad SNL sketch about “gangsta rap”. Suckitude.
2:13 – Who switched this video out with The Worst Video You’ve Ever Seen that I was going to write later? The flows are wack and it’s not even very funny right now. We need a savior, quick.
2:14 – Done. It’s Tyler to the rescue, power snorting ten Tony Montana piles of yayo, sporting a magnificently ridiculous wig, and rapping at a frenetic pace. Thank Odd.
(Side note: I was Googling “Knight Haircuts” because I was trying to find a picture to describe my feeling that the Tyler wig looks like a British Knight haircut I have seen in some movie somewhere before. Anyway, I couldn’t find that, but I did find another picture of interest for anyone who watched The Cosby Show. Take a look at this. That’s what Rudy turned into. Day-um. It’s like Raven Symone, except completely opposite.)
2:37 – Holy Dionysus! A coked-up, rapping, black centaur in a wig? That sounds like the plot to my favorite Blaxsploitation film.
3:02 – Somehow seeing the absence of genitalia is worse than seeing his actual writhing chocolate Pringles can thrust through the screen. I think I’m even more creeped out by seeing nothing. Excuse me, I have to go wash out my eyes with lye. BRB.
3:12 – The triptych of the coke nose wipe, the slap, and the silent “What the fuck?!” were pretty funny, but it’s clear this video is winding down.
3:21 - Oh, wait. It’s over.
And thus concludes The Greatest Video You’ve Ever Seen. Maybe.
If you made it to the end, let’s just call it A Video You’ve Seen.
We’ll be back next week if the lye hasn’t destroyed my sight.