Editor’s Note: Last Friday Layabozi’s server experienced technical problems, we apologize for the inconvenience that caused that we could not publish the latest edition of Zack’s holly column. All in order now, start the week with a classic.
I’m off on another twitch this week.
In case you missed the last The Greatest Video You’ve Ever Seen, The Universe According to Kels, check that here. That is not one to neglect. If you would like to check one of the previous TGVYESs, go through the Video section here.
Before we get started, if you have a particularly special video to which you would like to call my attention, email me at zack at layabozi.com. It’s not that I’m running out of material, far from it (actually the hardest part about writing this is figuring out which subject to pick out of the multitude at my disposal.) However, I’m always on the lookout for those new little baubles that will catch my eye and distract me from my real job and family life. I’m over-indulgent like that so hit me up.
Got some good ones coming up, too, so keep checking back here every Friday.
On to the video, which speaks for itself, although of course I will help it along. It’s Led Zeppelin from their 1973 performance at New York’s Madison Square Garden, immortalized in the film The Song Remains the Same. It’s amazing, it’s life changing, it’s prophecy fulfilling, it’s “The Ocean”. It is The Greatest Video You’ve Ever Seen. Roll It!
0:01 – This riff is fucking sick. Best ever?
0:10 – Robert Plant, looking lean and mean in denim and, of course, the blond perm.
0:12 – Jimmy Page looks utterly ridiculous/untouchable in his magical wizard’s hat-print bell-bottoms under which he is probably hiding two 14-year old groupies. Also, it looks like he’s rolling around in stilts attached to skates, but they are only the tallest platform shoes known to man. Furthermore, he’s ripping up the guitar like it talked bad about his momma and making funny hand gestures between hot licks. Other than all that, he’s completely normal.
0:35 – Plant picks up a rose tossed at him from the crowd and toys with it for a moment, before discarding it with a mischievous expression on his face, all the while never missing a beat of the lyrics. Mastery.
0:57 – Who is that smoking hot chick with the great ass and how did she get on stage?
1:08 – Oh, wait. That’s just Plant. My mistake.
1:20 – Page just tosses off like the coolest solo ever, totally within the flow of the song. Ho hum.
1:55 – John Paul Jones, could you lurk in the shadows a little bit more, please? There you go. That’s it. Thanks.
2:05 – Why did you have to go and choke on your own vomit and die, John Bonham? JUST WHY? Also, what is the giant gong for? I have seen a few videos now and have never seen it come into play. Can’t wait to find that one video, though, the one where he hits the gong once and never touches it again. I bet he uses his head instead of a mallet. Fucking Bonzo.
2:20 – That return to the verse from the doo-woppy interlude-type thingy is killer, don’t you agree?
2:30 – My favorite part of the video, right here. This chick in the front row, along with every other sane person around her, is going nuts. You know, because she’s in the front row of one of the most iconic concerts ever. However, right next to her, there is a beefy dude standing stock-still with his arms folded across his chest, looking unimpressed. Fascinating.
I have two theories to account for this behavior: One, dude has a band himself and is trying to stay cool, still clinging to the notion that he and his buddies could totally pull this off if they could just get out of their shitty day jobs for awhile or, B, the chick going crazy next to him is his girlfriend and she just told him how great Robert Plant looks in skin-tight denim. I’m not sure which theory I like better, but they both make me grin devilishly.
3:00 – Another break, this one even funkier than the last. Jimmy Page gets on his roller skates and glides around the stage like the barnyard rooster with the biggest cock. His legs look like they account for about 3/4ths of his height. It’s truly comical.
3:45 – I can’t really tell what’s going on with the vocals right here. It sounds like there is a backing part, but none of the band has their mouth near a mic, so it might just be Plant separating his vocal cords into two distinct harmonizing entities. I wouldn’t be entirely shocked if that was the case.
4:05 – You’re right, Robert. IT’S SO GOOOOOOOOOOD.
4:17 – Take a bow, fellas.
Thar she blows, another installment of The Greatest Video You’ve Ever Seen. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must go catch some sharks.