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The Greatest Video You’ve Ever Seen 015: Cover Songs: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

A few cover song videos have come to my attention this week and, since I am keen on making snap judgments about what goes into this column each week, I have decided to spotlight them.

Cover songs are dangerous ground. In my experience they can go one of a few different ways. They can be straight, faithful renditions of a song, which is kind of boring, like watching missionary, frumpy housewife porn. They can be a new arrangement of a track that brings it back to life in an interesting way. That is good.

However, they can also be just really terrible versions of a song you never wanted to hear again in the first place. And, of course, the worst form of cover is the unbridled butchering of a song you really love. These are the versions that make you want to hunt down the perpetrator through the Human Flesh Engine and bash their stupid, untalented mouth with the business end of a microphone stand (which end is “the business end” of a microphone stand? If you know, please leave it in the comments.)

This week’s The Greatest Video You’ve Ever Seen has something from all of these categories, even the bad ones.

Why?

Because, in the seedy red light district of my twisted neural pathways, that’s what passes for comedy. That’s why.

So, without further ado, let’s take a ride on a wild rollercoaster of cover songs, otherwise known as The Greatest Video You’ve Ever Seen, The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly style.

First, with the good:

[Youtube video]

I know what you were thinking during the slightly geeky intro to this song and SHAME ON YOU.

Then this kid busted out the wicked blues styles and you were like, “I WAS WRONG. FORGIVE ME, NOAH.” Weren’t you?

I’ll let you in on a little secret: I kinda like the original version of this song, too.

Unfortunately, no version compares to the Canto Chinese version.

Now, on to the bad:

[Youtube video]

This falls under the category of “Bad Song, Bad Cover.” The cover connection is obviously Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On” done in the Kenny G style, but then add on the atrocious, and I mean ATROCIOUS rapping and you have the makings of a truly horrendous cover song.

By the way, Lil B, the offending party, for some reason inspires a rabid fan base (I guess that’s what happens when you operate 150 Myspace pages. Not joking.), who will probably search me out via The Lil B Human Flesh Engine, and tear me with their glistening grillz.

He’s also one of local musical miscreant Heatwolves!’s favorite “MCs” so let’s break this video down in his honor, shall we?

0:01 – Wow, I haven’t seen a video set in a sauna since the original version of Silk’s “Freak Me”

0:30 – You seldom hear it said of someone that they need LESS dental work, but in Lil B’s case it’s true.

1:00 – “They look at me like I’m Mr. Man.” There’s not a lot of imagery in this video so we’re gonna be doing a lot of pulling out the ridiculous shit he says, too. All you really need to know right now is that Lil B (The BasedGod) is “rapping” in a sauna. Let’s move on.

1:15 – “Everything is anything/ and anything is everything/ I don’t care I let my nuts hang.” Well put, BasedGod. You deserve another ladle of water on the sauna rocks.

1:28 – I can’t get enough of his geographical shout-outs here. See if you can follow the Lil B Magical Mystery Tour:
“From Marin City to Sac-Town/ Oakland and back down/ Frisco to Richmond/ San Jose to Vallejo/ and Pittsburgh to Fairfield/ East Coast to Down South/ Square Bears and Gangsters (pronounced ‘gang stairs’.)/ Shouts out to Palo Alto/ Bruh bruh got grapes there/ You feel me?/ My bruh got grapes in Palo Alto/ You feel me?”

I think it’s the Pittsburgh to Fairfield one that throws me off. We’re all chilling in NoCal and then we make a giant leap over to the Midwest. Did you keep up? Then we’re back to Northern Cali in Palo Alto. What does it mean when he says his bruh got grapes in Palo Alto? Does he own a vineyard and winery?

SO MANY QUESTIONS. So little desire to know the answers. I can’t even summon the effort to call up his Wikipedia page. OK, I guess I can.

1:50 – We’re out of the sauna going…where?

1:55 – Oh, we’re following some dude down the stairs…

2:07 – …Now we’re in a Lil B show, but he’s not rapping. He’s just speaking inspirational messages like, “Life is like a Titanic,” while taking pictures with surprisingly hot chicks.

3:00 – More hot chicks. I think I’m done. (Waving a white flag.)
You win this round, Lil B.

From Bad to Ugly. This is the legendary group, Hush, covering Pink Floyd’s “Comfortably Numb”. Sorry to do this to you, but the column must be taken to its logical conclusion.

[Youtube video]

OK, maybe that’s not even funny. Maybe it’s just too sad for humor.
However, I will tell you what IS funny. It’s an interview with the band!

[Youtube video]

They have T-Shirts! I would pay an exorbitant sum of money for one of those shirts.

I really like the fact that I can’t tell if this is a parody interview or not. It’s obvious that the singer is taking it super seriously, but the interviewer is playing it SO straight. Shouldn’t he be cracking up midway through the first question? Either he’s completely serious or he’s the best actor ever. And I can’t decide which one of those options is funnier.

Can you?

I’ve just written over a thousand words on the worst music I could find (Not you, Noah. You’re just a pawn in this game.)

Um, this has been The Greatest Video You’ve Ever Seen?

Out.

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